IC Inbox for Hadriel

[leashed]

This is Lieutenant Hart.

Leave a message and I'll respond as soon as I can.

Thank you.

Comments

[evocation]

you didn't fail me, and you're not worth more than me.
i don't care what any of those assholes who trained you said.
you realize we can take care of each other right?
it doesn't have to be you throwing yourself into danger for me.

[leashed]

That's what I'm trained to do. It's my job, Kyna.

[evocation]

what makes me so much better than you?
what if i don't want you to do that for me?

[leashed]

I don't understand.

Would you tell a firefighter to leave your home burning? A plumber to keep the leak in your tap?

[evocation]

that's not the same at all
firefighters still care about themselves
you don't

[She knows that she should dial this back, but she's upset, and she sends it before she can stop herself.]

[leashed]

[He doesn't respond for a moment at that. There's the small spike of anger, familiar in its uselessness and he puts it away like he always does. There's something else too, a feeling he doesn't know how to name, something that seems like sadness, but isn't quite- and with some difficulty, he puts that away too.]

I see.

[Rome doesn't rise to the challenge. He's practiced in calm, even when he can feel everything but, itching under his skin.]

Are you refusing my assistance?

[evocation]

[She knows she's screwing up, and now she falls back to her familiar scrambling, trying to explain herself and right the conversation and feeling like there's no way she can.]

no
god, i just
i want to help you too
if we're friends it should be equal, not
i don't know

[leashed]

It's difficult for me, to accept the kinds of things you say.

[Which is basically what this entire conversation has been about, tbh.]

I don't know if I should have friends.

[evocation]

why?
because someone told you you can't?

[leashed]

I don't know.

[He's getting a little more agitated- it's harder when it's personal, to keep everything at bay.]

Why is it so important to you?

[evocation]

because

[Ugh.]

because i care about you, and you shouldn't have to feel this way

[leashed]

Because we're friends.

[He understands that much at least.]

I can- I'll try to understand that. For you.

[evocation]

[Ouch. That makes her heart twist, and it takes her a bit to answer.]

you don't want me to put myself in danger for you because you think it's your job or whatever
but it's not just that, right?

[leashed]

No, it isn't.

[To put it simply.]

I don't know how to explain it. I'm sorry.

[evocation]

it's okay
i'm just trying to say that it's
that's the same reason i don't want you hurting yourself for me, you know?
not because it's my job or whatever
that other thing

[And she's not sure explaining is really making sense to him, so maybe this will.]

[leashed]

I think I understand what you mean.

[Not that she's really making it easy for him.]

I care about you too.

[evocation]

i know

[There's another pause.]

it really means a lot to me
you saving me, i mean
and listening to me and everything

[leashed]

Of course.

[This feels a little better.]

I apologize if I've made things difficult for you.

[evocation]

no, you didn't
you don't
i just
idk
what happened to you isn't fair

[leashed]

[He's heard it before, in different words, expressed in different ways- but the sound of it is changed. It's not that's fucked up, or how could they, it's just... this. It wasn't fair. It isn't fair.

Isn't it?

He takes a little longer to respond, because that's a lot to chew through.]

I understand if it seems that way.

I just never thought about it like that.

[evocation]

sorry
i'm not trying to be pushy or an asshole or
whatever
i just wish you got how awesome you are, you know?

[leashed]

I'm not sure if that's the word I would use to describe myself.

[evocation]

what word would you use?

[leashed]

I don't know.

Reliable, maybe. I'd like to think that anyway.

[evocation]

well, yeah
but you're a bunch of other things, too