I don't know what to do here. I don't know how to act around others- especially you. I don't have anyone who knows how to handle me if something goes awry. I don't have the other wolves in my squad, who know me and who I understand.
[Rome swallows hard. He wasn't exactly expecting ever having to talk about this.]
[It's such an inane request. Rome looks down toward Morgan then, bewildered but eventually complies, bringing his fingers to Morgan's hair in a halfhearted attempt at a scratch.]
[Rome awkwardly continues patting at him. It gets a little more comfortable, and he's able to run his thumb along the outside of Morgan's brow, looking down at him with an expression that's thankfully less horrified confusion now and more just- curiosity.]
Several things. Chocolates- a jacket, like yours. A strange costume.
[ morgan stares up at him, expression carefully neutral, though he does briefly close his eyes when rome's thumb moves along the outside of his brow. it's not a bad response - he's sort of just savoring it.
he's gotten a little touch-starved here in hadriel. ]
I'll take your chocolates.
[ said very solemnly, like he's offering to take a burden off rome to himself. ]
[He has no complaints about that- not that he doesn't like them, but he doesn't really feel any which way about them. Rome exhales, running his fingers absently through Morgan's hair.
[ he keeps his eyes shut - partially because this does feel really nice, but mostly because it's embarrassing in a way he's not ready to admit to both say this out loud and look at rome. ]
Kind of afraid too, I guess? Lonely, whatever. Congrats, you're my therapist now.
[As usual, he goes a little still at the touch, but doesn't flinch away. Even something as simple as this is completely out of his depths- he doesn't know how to react, but he hasn't known how to react for awhile now. He manages, somehow.]
[Being kissed has been so far out of the spectrum of possibility, even with all of the casual contact and recent conversation. Rome has never been kissed before and while he's familiar with the concept, it's not something that he ever anticipated happening to him.
Certainly not from Morgan. Certainly not here.
He freezes up, unresponsive, doesn't bother closing his eyes, just stays there while Morgan tries to find some semblance of companionship in him.]
[ what was he expecting? he doesn't really know. morgan had never really been great at the whole 'foresight' thing, and this was no exception. he can feel rome freeze beneath him and that's when he knows it's over, that his entire stupid impulse has petered out to nothing, and he sort of sighs as he drops his hand and breaks the contact. ]
Sorry.
[ it's a bland, distant sort of apology, even as he sits up and leans down to start pulling his shoes back on. ]
[But Morgan is disengaging and pulling away and putting his shoes on. He's leaving, and Rome still doesn't understand why- why he was kissed, why Morgan is leaving, why Morgan is so damn good at pushing his buttons in the worst ways.
People usually kiss one another when there's attraction, right? But none of Morgan's actions thusfar has even hinted toward anything of the sort- well, nothing until this conversation, anyway.]
[ he drags his fingers through his hair, expression uneven. he's - well. humiliated, really, and it's not a good look for him. there's really no way for morgan to explain himself to rome, either, not the whys of any of this. he just doesn't know.
what does he know? that he's lonely, and that's stupid and piercing and embarrassing, too. he knows that rome drives him insane with his weird indoctrination and mannerisms and attitudes. he also knows that he craves the smell of their pillows when he's away from them for too long. ]
Think my head's still gummed up from the party. I - should go for a walk or something.
[ but he's not looking at him. he's going to try to rebuild the wall that was there, even if he has no idea if it'll work or not. ]
[He doesn't know what to say- what can he say? How is someone supposed to react to being kissed? It's clear that Rome has done the wrong thing here and now Morgan is recoiling and fleeing because of it, but he doesn't know how to fix the situation or even begin to untangle everything that just happened in the last few seconds.
He tries, though.]
I was surprised, [he offers, by way of an explanation or an excuse. Rome steps forward, earnest as ever.] I can reciprocate. I just wasn't expecting you to...
[It's difficult for him to actually say the word- it seems so juvenile. Jesus, the things they get themselves into.]
[He backs down, respecting at least some part of Morgan's desire to be left alone. It doesn't sit well with him, but he doesn't have enough experience with what just happened to argue with it.]
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[He explains, not meeting Morgan's eyes.]
I don't know what to do here. I don't know how to act around others- especially you. I don't have anyone who knows how to handle me if something goes awry. I don't have the other wolves in my squad, who know me and who I understand.
[Rome swallows hard. He wasn't exactly expecting ever having to talk about this.]
The freedom is... stifling.
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You should scratch my head.
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[It's such an inane request. Rome looks down toward Morgan then, bewildered but eventually complies, bringing his fingers to Morgan's hair in a halfhearted attempt at a scratch.]
Why?
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Giving you some structure. What'd you win in paintball?
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Several things. Chocolates- a jacket, like yours. A strange costume.
[He shrugs.]
Nothing that I could put to good use.
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he's gotten a little touch-starved here in hadriel. ]
I'll take your chocolates.
[ said very solemnly, like he's offering to take a burden off rome to himself. ]
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[He has no complaints about that- not that he doesn't like them, but he doesn't really feel any which way about them. Rome exhales, running his fingers absently through Morgan's hair.
And then, turning the question back on Morgan:]
What do you feel?
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[ he keeps his eyes shut - partially because this does feel really nice, but mostly because it's embarrassing in a way he's not ready to admit to both say this out loud and look at rome. ]
Kind of afraid too, I guess? Lonely, whatever. Congrats, you're my therapist now.
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[It's said with a small trace of amusement.]
But you aren't alone.
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[He echoes, nodding once.]
Would you? If they gave you the chance.
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[ he seems vaguely relieved at rome's easy agreement. he reaches up then, gingerly touching his fingertips to his cheek, just gauging his reaction. ]
Maybe? Depends.
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[As usual, he goes a little still at the touch, but doesn't flinch away. Even something as simple as this is completely out of his depths- he doesn't know how to react, but he hasn't known how to react for awhile now. He manages, somehow.]
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[ he's - testing the waters, maybe? trying to pull rome's face down toward him. he has no idea why. ]
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[He presses, moving a little with Morgan's hand but stopping after a few inches, his brow furrowed in confusion.]
...what are you doing?
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[ and morgan's face is still carefully, stupidly impassive. ]
Come here.
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...Morgan?
[Almost apprehensive now.]
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loneliness is a hell of a thing. ]
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Certainly not from Morgan. Certainly not here.
He freezes up, unresponsive, doesn't bother closing his eyes, just stays there while Morgan tries to find some semblance of companionship in him.]
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Sorry.
[ it's a bland, distant sort of apology, even as he sits up and leans down to start pulling his shoes back on. ]
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[But Morgan is disengaging and pulling away and putting his shoes on. He's leaving, and Rome still doesn't understand why- why he was kissed, why Morgan is leaving, why Morgan is so damn good at pushing his buttons in the worst ways.
People usually kiss one another when there's attraction, right? But none of Morgan's actions thusfar has even hinted toward anything of the sort- well, nothing until this conversation, anyway.]
You're leaving?
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[ he drags his fingers through his hair, expression uneven. he's - well. humiliated, really, and it's not a good look for him. there's really no way for morgan to explain himself to rome, either, not the whys of any of this. he just doesn't know.
what does he know? that he's lonely, and that's stupid and piercing and embarrassing, too. he knows that rome drives him insane with his weird indoctrination and mannerisms and attitudes. he also knows that he craves the smell of their pillows when he's away from them for too long. ]
Think my head's still gummed up from the party. I - should go for a walk or something.
[ but he's not looking at him. he's going to try to rebuild the wall that was there, even if he has no idea if it'll work or not. ]
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He tries, though.]
I was surprised, [he offers, by way of an explanation or an excuse. Rome steps forward, earnest as ever.] I can reciprocate. I just wasn't expecting you to...
[It's difficult for him to actually say the word- it seems so juvenile. Jesus, the things they get themselves into.]
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[ he holds his hand up, trying to stay rome, even as he takes a step back. ]
It's good. I'm fine. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. I'm gonna take a walk and I'll - be back later tonight.
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[He backs down, respecting at least some part of Morgan's desire to be left alone. It doesn't sit well with him, but he doesn't have enough experience with what just happened to argue with it.]
Be safe.